No Tug-of-War Without This
“I’m right.”
“No, I’m right!!!”
The shouting goes back and forth and there’s no exit to this “right-fighting.”
No one goes into a debate to be convinced by the other side. We’re each so ready to convince the others that our way is the only way, that we fail to see any sliver of possibility that there might be a different way.
The truth is, we all miss something.
In my most recent TEDx that has climbed past three-quarters of a million views, I spoke about the need for a Parallax Perspective. If you approach every situation with the knowledge that you’re missing something, then you’ll actually get further in influencing others.
Right-fighting is like a bad game of eternal tug-of-war. And yet there is no tug of war if you’re not picking up the rope!
Getting people to do what you want or to believe the way you want them to is often mistakenly about control.
Reaching agreement doesn’t have to be about dominance; in reality, it’s about engagement.
How might you approach a situation (at a holiday gathering, for example) if you knew you were missing part of the story? And how might you introduce the idea that the other(s) might be missing a part of your story, inviting them to inquire (rather than demanding they receive)?
Right-fighting doesn’t have to exist.
In fact, if you think about the times you’ve done so, you’ll find how wasteful it was. You can let someone else feel “right” about their arguments without having to convince them otherwise.
YOUR IDENTITY IS NOT DEPENDENT ON WHETHER THEY AGREE WITH YOUR POINT OF VIEW.
Other people can have a point of view different from yours and it doesn’t affect who you are. Isn’t that magical? Yep, in fact, the more you realize the power of that, the more control you actually have in your own life.
Breathe in, breathe out, and smile about not having to pick up the rope.
Keep making your magic.
= Wayne =
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