That *Other* Person

Last week we talked about the person in your life that complains, blames others, and wants to be rescued all the time. You handle them by setting firm boundaries for yourself and being clear about the expectations set for all. It could be situational. The key is not to play into the drama.

 

What happens if you find yourself in drama? What happens if you find everything falling down around you? You can’t seem to get that next contract, the work processes you had are failing, the people you rely on are judging you. What if YOU are the one in drama?

 

There is no other person to blame. 
There is no way to rationalize (or ration-the-lies) about where the responsibility for your life really is. You can point to outside circumstances. You can say that other people “just don’t get it.” You can blame the people you were with for putting you in an uncomfortable situation that you now have to climb out of.

 

Personally, it takes a lot to push my buttons and trigger me. That took a lot of work to get here. I had an experience where someone had dropped something off in front of my garage and texted me that it was there and they didn’t want to disturb me. I had expected the things being dropped to actually be put into my garage, and I started to get a little pissy that things didn’t go as I had imagined they were “supposed to” go. I had a “should” moment and missed that the person’s intent was good – they didn’t want to disturb me. 

 

Who caused the initial upset about that situation? Stuff was dropped off in a place that wasn’t what we talked about. We had agreed that the stuff would be placed IN the garage, not in front of it. Who is responsible for upsetting me? I am. Being upset over something so easily remedied seems ridiculous now. At the time, the wave that swept through me felt very personal. This person deliberately didn’t do as expected, therefore deliberately tried to upset me. Except the person was trying to protect my space and not disturb me.

 

Look at the last time you were offended by someone. That other person. Did they really set out to upset you? Or, is there something inside of yourself that needs to make them wrong? When you take accountability for your emotional responses, you demonstrate more trustworthiness. That is, when you process the things that trigger you really fast and realize that it’s not the other person at all, you regain control of how you get to respond (vs. “need” to react). 

 

By the way, my response was one of gratitude. I realized that the person who dropped my stuff had positive intentions. And IF dropping my stuff in a certain location or at a certain time really mattered to me, I’d have a conversation. It’s just a conversation and leads to positive working agreements. 

 

That’s true for you at home with your family and friends, and at work with your team and coworkers. See their efforts as those with positive intent. And if the outcome still bugs you, set working agreements for the future. 

 

Keep making your magic!

 

= Wayne = 

P.S. Clarity, Desire, Direction, and Focus were all outcomes of my small group summit that I led in October in Portugal. On April 3rd – 5th, I’m leading a small group in the exploration of Exponential Success. It’s personal. It’s for you. And if you want in, reach out to me or go HERE to register. (Clicking the link gives you more information. Click through now!)