The Fight That Never Happened
Somebody does something that irritates the bejeezus out of you. So much so that you have no more bejeezus left in you. You squirm and vow to make them see your point of view. They’re wrong. And you’re justifiably RIGHT.
The self-righteousness grows and the planning of an attack, or at least a counter-attack, is underway. Your mind whirrs with the best script ever! You’ll bring their offense to their attention. They’ll reply with some remark that’s designed to make you madder. You’ll take a tone of indignation and resentment and show them how wrong they are. They’ll reply, but they’re weakened. You’ll have proven your point. They’ll reluctantly agree, finding some way to save face by calling you a doody-head or something equally terrible. But you’ll feel good because… you won.
Except for one thing.
None of that EVER plays out.
Think about it.
Think about how much time you spend scripting the argument that never happens.
And then, for the sake of your sanity and your blood pressure, think about two things:
- What really plays out.
- How you actually have control of it all.
A quiet conversation might be better: “You know when you said/did xyz, I felt kind of put out. It upset me and I’m pretty sure that wasn’t your intent.”
Some forgiveness might be even better: “I believe the best in people. When they did xyz, it probably was reflective of something they’re going through. I’ll give it a few days and circle back to see how they’re doing.”
This takes practice. And, as I mention in my first book, Choosing Your Power, awareness leads to choice and choice leads to greater awareness. It’s an ever expanding spiral IF you allow yourself the awareness that you might be missing something about the context, the other person, or even yourself in terms of your biases.
As noted in my TEDx with over 2,000,000 views now, make one assumption: that maybe, just maybe you’re missing something. Let that assumption prompt you to stay curious.
You don’t have to have big fights in your head. You just need to approach the situation or the other person slightly differently.
Stay curious.
Keep making your magic.
I’ll see you here next week.
= Wayne =