Wayne-isms Part THREE – Enter When Pulled
A tug-of-war can only happen if there are opposing forces pulling on the rope. That means, you can stay out of a tug of war by refusing to pick up the rope. Someone taunting you, in whatever way – at work, at home, at a bar or a party – it doesn’t matter. You don’t have to engage. At ALL.
When a phone salesperson happens to catch me answering the phone, after they say my name, I’ll interrupt them with the first question: What are you selling.
That stops the script.
It also introduces a new script. Pay attention to this for yourself: We are programmed to answer questions that are posed to us.
Rather than being pre-qualified on the phone, “Are you happy with xyz service that you currently use?” I start with the first question: “What are you selling?”
“Uhhhh, I’m uh, not selling anything. I’m, uhhh, finding out if you like your current phone service.”
I then say that I don’t answer questions from unsolicited callers on the phone (or at the door).
And you don’t need to either. Just because someone asks you a question does NOT mean you need to answer the question asked of you.
Now, if someone is really, really demanding of you, then step into wonder.
The axiom, that comes from when I was teaching martial arts (yes, I’m a fourth degree black-belt and taught for 27 years), was this:
Enter When Pulled
Turn When Pushed
If someone demands something of you, step in with wonder. If you feel yourself in a space where you need to defend your opinion, instead, step in with wonder. What does that mean? It’s this: Someone calls you a name or demands to know why you’re such an idiot for believing or behaving in a certain way. “What? You’re voting for who??”
Instead of taking the bait for a fight – an unwinnable fight – maintain your control. Enter deeper into the conversation by asking them to tell you more about their position. This is a solid tactic for the world, for work, and at home.
That’s entering when pulled. You don’t have to pull back or they’ll just tug harder. Enter with curiosity and no attachment to an outcome where they see your side.
Turning when pushed is easy too! You punk. You poopy pants little weasel.
You read those words and had a reaction – a smile, a curiosity about what I’d write next. A bit of anger because I just accused you, the reader of something.
It’s not about you. (That was last week’s lesson, remember??)
If I call you a name, YOU GET TO CHOOSE whether to accept it as a title you’ll wear or simply let it slide past you. Are you a punk, a poopy-pants, or a weasel? If you are, congratulations. If you’re not, you’ll let all of those words slide past you.
You get pushed on a shoulder and instead of expending energy to sling made-up slurs back, you turn when pushed. You keep your center. You maintain your control. And you expend zero energy.
Doing that usually makes the other person expend more energy. And if you keep your perspective, you’ll see what a waste that is. Your calmness will make you smile.
- Stay in Curiosity and You’ll Stay Out of Judgment
- It’s Not About You
- Enter When Pulled, Turn When Pushed
See you here next week! Keep making your magic.
Who wants to know about my super small group mastermind retreat in Portugal in October?? Reach out for details.
= Wayne =