You DON’T Say

The pressure for – and around – holiday gatherings is drawing in. Some people (you??) have very specific rules for how things “should” and “shouldn’t” be. 

 

We’ve just had an election (here in the U.S.) and the media – especially social media – is more full of “it” than usual.

 

So, how do you stay centered in the midst of the season of particularly strong opinions?

 

You DON’T say these three words – I’ll tell you in a moment.

These words are the top three from my Watchword List that I first published in Choosing Your Power, my first book from a decade ago. 

 

Eliminate these and you’ll be in a better place for communication and holding real engagement at work, at home, or in the world.

 

Here’s the short explanation about the words to eliminate:

        1) Why – This is a set up for blame. Just make your statement and own it without needing to feed your ego by putting the other person down: 

Why are you late? 🡪 I’m disappointed that you’re late and I’d like you to commit to being on time in the future. The person can’t do anything about being late and an explanation by them about “why” won’t actually make you feel better. Here, state how you feel and what you’d like moving forward.

        2) But – You’ve heard this before: BUT negates anything that came before it in the sentence. “We had a really great month, but we’ve got some catching up to do for the quarter.” So instead of a motivational celebration, it’s undone and deflated.

Change the “but” to “and” to make the statement inclusive:

“We had a really great month, and we’ve got some catching up to do for the quarter.” That almost says that whatever we did last month we can do to catch up! 

        3) Should – Another blame bomb. The truth is you can’t “should have” something now. “You should have called.” Or, “you should’ve brought green beans instead of potato salad.” I can’t “should have” called. I can’t suddenly swap out my potato salad for green beans. Fritz Perls, the founder of Gestalt Psychology, noted back in the ‘60s that “Shoulds are s**t and there’s no reason to should on yourself or anyone else.”

 

Really, if you started paying attention to your language and swapped it out, your relationships (at work, at home, or in the world) would be in an exponentially better space.

 

Enjoy planning for the holidays and don’t take them so seriously. Not everything has to be planned down to the number of ants that show up after. Relax. Breathe. And DON’T Say….

 

Keep makin’ your magic!

 

= Wayne = 

Did you check out my cool Ask Me Anything bot? I loaded a boatload of information into that thing so you can ask (the mini me) me a question and you’ll get my language back in the form of an answer. Check that out HERE.