I’m working on a major project for management development. One of the concepts that I’m bringing to this amazing program for building a Culture of Caring™ is the idea of how to be even more effective in something we all take for granted. 

Communication is a skill. And today, I’ll give you some quick tips on upleveling that skill, especially as we’re in the midst of “holiday season,” a time rife with emotional ups and downs. 

We humans want and need connection. 

Ultimately, people just want to be acknowledged.

I believe that we—humans—are here to be a positive light in, and witness for, other people’s lives. 

Now a lot of my work focuses on letting go of old stories and letting go of seeking approval from others. And with that said, you can make a big difference in someone’s life by simply seeing them, and by letting them know that they are seen.

At your next holiday...

Last week we talked about the person in your life that complains, blames others, and wants to be rescued all the time. You handle them by setting firm boundaries for yourself and being clear about the expectations set for all. It could be situational. The key is not to play into the drama.

What happens if you find yourself in drama? What happens if you find everything falling down around you? You can’t seem to get that next contract, the work processes you had are failing, the people you rely on are judging you. What if YOU are the one in drama?

There is no other person to blame. 
There is no way to rationalize (or ration-the-lies) about where the responsibility for your life really is. You can point to outside circumstances. You can say that other people “just don’t get it.” You can blame the people you were with for putting you in an uncomfortable situation that you now have to climb out of.

Personally, it takes a lot to push my...

Pretty much every time I consult with an organization, I hear about that one person who seems to be “the problem child.” There’s that one person who doesn’t listen to expectations, doesn’t meet expectations, and then blames everyone else as the “reason” they couldn’t get done what needed to be done.

Years and years (and years) ago, when I was the regional HR Director at Whole Foods Market, one of the senior leaders exclaimed, “Why can’t they just do their f’ing job!” 

You might have a coworker like this.

You might know family members or friends like this.

You might have just “survived” a Thanksgiving holiday and be gearing up for more relative imbalance at the end of this month. 

What happens that this one person seems to need everyone else to make their world right? And, more important, what happens to you when you have to engage with that person?

Whether at...

Must we, again, speak of gratitude? It seems so obligatory at this time of year. It’s the season to count your blessings. 

Really? There’s a “season” for that? 

I guess I kind of feel like I’d be missing out on a lot of life if I weren’t counting my blessings every single day. 

Here’s a quick test – look around where you’re sitting as you read this. Find ten things right now that you can say you’re grateful for. Then say it out loud!

I’m grateful for my water glasses. I’m grateful for the water in them. I’m grateful for the keyboard I’m using to type this. I’m grateful for you, the reader, who dares to ponder some of the weekly insights that come your way. I’m grateful for snacks (okay, I love snacks, darn it). I’m grateful for the pile of reading on my desk that’s so tall, I can’t see the bottom corner of my second monitor. (We’ll talk...

Today’s focus is on leadership, so no matter what you thought about the title of this week’s blog, “My Wife’s Driving,” today focuses back on YOU.

And first – a quick explanation. My wife likes to drive. She’s good at it. And, she likes to drive fast. She’s good at that too.

Sometimes she’ll yell at the drivers in front of her. She’s not some crazy person. She’s just, uhhhh, expressive! Really she doesn’t like it when cars choose the “fast” lane and then go the posted limit. She’ll scream out, “C’mon!!! The left lane is for crime!”

She knows they can’t hear her. She does it for herself.

I think that’s funny. She does too. And she still wants the cars to move out of “her” lane so that she can drive faster (and break the speed limit law, hence the fast lane being designated for “crime”). 

She’s...

The pressure for – and around – holiday gatherings is drawing in. Some people (you??) have very specific rules for how things “should” and “shouldn’t” be. 

We’ve just had an election (here in the U.S.) and the media – especially social media – is more full of “it” than usual.

So, how do you stay centered in the midst of the season of particularly strong opinions?

You DON’T say these three words – I’ll tell you in a moment.

These words are the top three from my Watchword List that I first published in Choosing Your Power, my first book from a decade ago. 

Eliminate these and you’ll be in a better place for communication and holding real engagement at work, at home, or in the world.

Here’s the short explanation about the words to eliminate:

        1) Why – This is a set up for blame. Just make your statement...

There’s a concept called “target focus.” It’s what happens when we notice something, anything. We’re drawn to it, even for a split second. That’s bad news for a race car driver who looks up at the wall. 

I’ve learned that to get out of a problem, you have to stop thinking about the problem and go bigger picture.

Now, there are a couple of steps to get to this bigger leap. First, a lesson from my trip to Jamaica a while back. I inquired about the “No Pro-blem” to every situation and was told, “You fix da ting, no pro-blem.” 

I get that – if you cut your finger, get a band aid. If you spilled something, clean it up.

That’s the first step because it is problem/fix focused. 

And, that’s not where your thinking should stop.

There’s a bike path on which bicyclists regularly become injured. It happens predictably. And it makes sense to move an ambulance or a...

We know the virtues of disconnecting from tech periodically. Our brains need the break. It’s great and we want others to understand how amazing we feel when we do that. I find it humorous how many people post about it, crowing about how great they feel about being disconnected. They come back to social media and want a prize for being “better-than” others who are still there.

We are lured into applauding and noting that we too should be, have done, or are scheduled to take a tech break. 

It’s not a competition, nor do you really need someone else’s adulation for taking care of yourself. You don’t get a parade for brushing and flossing, for meditating, or for eating right. Although, I’m certain there are communities of support out there for every person.

You’re here because you’re beyond that. It’s part of why you read the Wednesdays with Wayne. 

So what IS the paradox of connectedness...

I used to worry about being perfect, or at least good enough. 

I used to think that I wasn’t the smartest person in the room and that I’d be judged by people smarter than I was. 

NOW, I don’t worry about perfection, and I know I’m already “good enough.” Also, these days, I choose to put myself into rooms where I’m not the smartest. Holy cow! How would I ever learn anything if I didn’t give myself the challenge of listening to and learning from others??

All of that old “stuff” sure slowed me down, though.

And anytime I procrastinate on something, I look at what’s causing the resistance to just getting it done. 

Darn it, old “good enough” stories bubble through. I want to make sure it’s right.

You know what? Typos sneak through. My thoughts ramble on the page sometimes. I know what I meant to say and what comes through is some beautiful tangent.

The problem with problem-solving is that we tend to focus on the problem.

Well, how else would you solve a problem if not to focus on it? 

THIS is going to be really big for you in your business and in your personal life, so take some side notes on this one!

When we focus on the problem, we aren’t actually getting as close to a solution as we want. Think about a big problem you’re facing – better yet, think about a big desire you have. What’s something really big that you want? 

What are you telling yourself about why you don’t have that yet?

Here, THE PROBLEM is in the story you’re telling yourself and that story is based in lack: “I don’t have the money.” 

Or, “I don’t have the time.”

If you (or your child) were diagnosed with some horrible life-threatening disease, you’d likely find both the money and the time to make sure that the care needed was found....