Iโ€™m NOT Saying Donโ€™t

wednesdays with wayne Oct 18, 2023

We’re told to be generous, to help others, and by doing so, we’ll have everything we want. Just as with the notion of “manifestation,” It’s another great, yet horribly misunderstood theory.

 

People have told me how hard they’ve worked and how they still don’t have it all. “I give and I give, and what do I have to show for it?”

 

It’s not a simple syllogistic tree of IF This, THEN That. 

 

To be clear, I’m not saying don’t help people. 

What I am saying is that you can’t do so expecting a quid-pro-quo (a kind of this-for-that) engagement. 

 

In relationships, the danger here is to do what’s called “score keeping.”

  • Well, I took out the garbage.
  • Well, I cooked dinner.
  • Well, I loaded the dishwasher.
  • Well I… 

 

If you engage in scorekeeping and expect an immediate payout because you were of service once or twice, or maybe you donated to...

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The Fight That Never Happened

wednesdays with wayne Oct 11, 2023

Somebody does something that irritates the bejeezus out of you. So much so that you have no more bejeezus left in you. You squirm and vow to make them see your point of view. They’re wrong. And you’re justifiably RIGHT.

 

The self-righteousness grows and the planning of an attack, or at least a counter-attack, is underway. Your mind whirrs with the best script ever! You’ll bring their offense to their attention. They’ll reply with some remark that’s designed to make you madder. You’ll take a tone of indignation and resentment and show them how wrong they are. They’ll reply, but they’re weakened. You’ll have proven your point. They’ll reluctantly agree, finding some way to save face by calling you a doody-head or something equally terrible. But you’ll feel good because… you won.

 

Except for one thing.

None of that EVER plays out. 

 

Think about it. 

Think about how much time you spend...

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Multiple Foci (what??)

wednesdays with wayne Oct 04, 2023

Foci – it’s a fancy term for areas of focus. Multiple foci might actually be redundant, and yet here we are, dealing with multiple areas of focus - - - every… single… day!

 

Think of the last time you didn’t feel like you had more than one thing to focus on. 

 

Personally, I can’t remember when I only had one project, one action step, one individually identifiable thing that I was focused on without a list of 16 things to do when I got through with that one thing. When I go to the gas station, I’m focused on getting gas AND what I’ll be doing after I fill up my tank. Even on vacation, there’s a lot to focus on.

 

The multiple foci thing isn’t going to change. Our current world state demands that we’re on alert for new information every single moment. Remember that “multi-tasking” isn’t a thing – what we do is called Toggle-Tasking. We flip between item to item and back...

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My Personal Happy New Year

wednesdays with wayne Sep 27, 2023

It’s my birthday week (Yayyyyy) and every year at this time, I make my own New Year’s resolutions. Starting as a wish list and refining it all down, I dare to desire! 

 

I get SUPER specific about what I want to do, have, and become.

 

What’s amazing is that I created a three year vision not that long ago. That’s not the amazing part. The amazing part is that within the first four months of my three-year vision and plan, I had accomplished over 50% of what I had written. In a third of a year, I completed half of my three-year plan. 

 

How? 

I wrote it down.

My goals were both personal and professional.

I kept my eyes on my target(s) and anything not those needed to be assessed as potential distractions. 

 

So now, at my personal New Year, I’m retooling and refining. 

I’m getting specific. And I’m making this an amazing year for myself. I’m not waiting or wishing or hoping. This is my year...

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Next!!

wednesdays with wayne Sep 20, 2023

Your past got you here.

The choices you made, the roads you took, the people you met… all of that got you here.

 

Some of that was conscious. Some of that was auto-pilot. 

 

The key for you now is to design the life you’d like to have.

 

Most people plan their vacations in more detail than they think about what they’d like their future to be. When you go on vacation, you know what sites you’ll visit and when. You know how much you’ll need to have. You know what to pack and you probably have a good idea about what you’ll be eating.

 

Weird, right? 

 

I mean, the weird part is that we don’t typically think about that for our own lives.

 

What if…

 

What if you knew where you’d be, what your home looked like, what you’d be eating, and what you’ll be doing every day. Think about the feeling you’ll have, the smells around you (dryer sheets, warm cookies, coffee, fresh...

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Art and Influence

wednesdays with wayne Sep 13, 2023

Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! 

How delightful that repetitive noise is from kids, from TV, from social media “influencers” and such! It’s not delightful at all. It’s annoying as heck! 

 

I think it’s a responsibility we each carry, knowing we’re being watched by someone and that our actions model for others two things: how they should treat us and how they might treat others.

 

The message then, must be “join me” not “look at me.” 

 

Join me in making the world a better place.

Join me in smiling and engaging with love.

Join me in letting go of shame and guilt and stepping into hope and freedom.

 

Join me because I model for you who I am and how I am in the world and if our values align, it’d be great to be connected.

 

Join Me.

It’s so much more powerful as a message than lookatme/lookatme/lookatme!!!

 

That’s art at its finest. 

 

Keep making...

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The Myths of Guilt and Hard Work

wednesdays with wayne Sep 06, 2023

Our personal myths and the stories we’ve taken on include such tales as “the reason you don’t have everything you want is because you haven’t worked hard enough yet.”

 

Myths:

  • You haven’t worked hard enough
  • ONLY hard work will get you what you want
  • You don’t deserve it
  • You’re not good enough
  • Etc.
  • Etc.

 

I’m sure you have your own lies that you’ve been living by. They’re lies. We call them myths because that’s an easier way to look at them. Let’s accept some truth. You’re reading this because you’re here to grow.

 

The truth is that effort and hard work don’t always pay off the way you think they should. 

I have a history of being terrible with Organic Chemistry and Advanced Statistical Analysis. I mean, I get the basics. I understand how they work and how they’re supposed to work. I just don’t seem to be able to retain the formulae enough to employ...

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Wrapping Your Brain Around Transact vs. Relate

wednesdays with wayne Aug 30, 2023

I’m fascinated by puzzles and sometimes that means exploring everyday word origins. The study of the origin of words is called etymology. Maybe you knew that. Maybe that’s new for you. Don’t worry, today’s blog isn’t about etymology. It’s about two specific words and how we use them.

 

Trans – It’s important to understand this prefix: it means across. Think transatlantic, where you cross the ocean. Think transaction where you engage with someone giving and taking.

 

Re-Lation-Ship is Again-Coming Together-The State Of. That is, the state of coming together again. It’s not static and though transaction is a part of every relationship, it’s not what the relationship should be built upon. 

 

That is, in relationships, we can come together again to give to the other, to support the other, or to love the other. We don’t come together for the sake of giving, supporting, and loving IN ORDER TO be given...

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Negatively Leveraging Attachment

wednesdays with wayne Aug 23, 2023

Here’s a bit of psychology to think about today. It’s about how you treat others and really, how you treat yourself.

 

How often do we shame others into doing what we want by implying that our attachment to them will be damaged somehow? We learned it from our parents. We pass it on.

 

Be good and you’ll get some adulation and/or other reward.

Work hard and you’ll get some adulation and/or other reward.

Expect others to do as you want, and they’ll get your adulation and/or some other reward.

 

And if you’re not good, hard working, or do what you’re told… what happens?

 

You’ll be cut off, ostracized, and left out in the cold to die.

 

Ridiculous when you read it. And yet, your subconscious thinks that’s exactly what’s going to happen.

 

And the remedy is… awareness.

Awareness leads to choice, and choice leads to greater awareness. That’s an ever-expanding spiral.

 

When...

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Front Door Bias

wednesdays with wayne Aug 16, 2023

I’m traveling again (a big shocker to my loyal readers, I’m sure). 

In looking for lunch, I was exploring the local area with my wife, and found a restaurant that looked like it might be our kind of chill place for a place to grab a bite. Chain restaurants are only ever on the radar as a last resort. This was a local spot with a sister restaurant about 40 miles away.  

 

We stepped through the door and were met by a young woman who looked up at us as if we hadn’t seen her in five years. She was so happy we were there and welcomed us warmly. We don’t even know her name, just that somehow, we were in the right place.

 

And then, Hailey came by. Hailey wanted to ensure that we were comfortable and also had the “so glad to see you/so glad you’re here” kind of energy. A smile. A twinkle in her eye. And proud to be working at a place that has great food and wonderful team morale.

 

This is a tribute to the management...

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