This week’s Wednesdays With Wayne focuses on how we become who we are and how we break free from who we were.  Drawing on my background in psychology, let’s take a ride back to childhood and adolescence.

The short version is this – First, there’s Mother+Child.  That’s all one unit.

As the child grows, there’s a sense of “separate” though the emotional bond is still prevalent.  

The child learns that she/he can impact the world (by pulling on things, crawling, etc.) and the seeds of independence are planted.  

This repeats in adolescence.  There’s a sense of being a part OF the family and then there comes a point of resistance to prove differentiation and become apart FROM the family.  (A quick grammatical aside: notice the difference between a part of and apart from.   That’s a little English lesson for those that think apart is always one word.)

We see that drive to separate (called...

My clients ask me some great questions.  This week’s Wednesdays With Wayne is in response to an inquiry about how to be a high performer in the world and still deal with all the stuff that falls on you.  It feels personal, like you’re just trying to make your way in the world, and something falls on you. That B.S. that comes down on you feels like it could bury you.  And yet, you DynamicLeader® you…  You’re finding your way to a light in the darkness.

I’m reminded of a parable that talks about farmer’s donkey who fell into a dry well.  No one could figure out how to get the donkey out. The well was too tough to get down into and tie a rope around the donkey.  After some deliberation, the farmer decided that since it was a dry well, he’d have to say farewell to his donkey and just fill in the dry well.  

He got a group together to begin filling in the hole.  The donkey was stuck. It was dark. And...

One of my private coaching clients just asked me about Work/Life Balance.  He pointed to an article that said it’s time to bust the myth of balance. It’s funny, because it’s long past time.  With a slight flare of ego, I noted that I’ve been saying that for the past decade. So in this week’s Wednesdays With Wayne (your weekly blog of inspiration and insight), we’ll explore this concept and the concept of What Tacos Have To Do With Work/Life Balance!!!

C’mon in!!!

Alright, so there we are.  Each of us is given a handful of hours each day, well, 24 of them to be exact.  We all have the same amount (unless you’re changing time zones or you’re facing a shortage due to an arbitrary shift on Sunday for daylight savings time).  But all of that is beside the point. The point is this: We all have 24 hours in a day.

Sometime back in the 80s (that’s the 1980s) someone decided that they were working too hard....

I had lunch with a friend and a deep background of struggle.  His insights inspire me and even as we walked to the parking lot, the challenges to thinking continued.  We talked about kids. We talked about our businesses and what lay before us. We talked about our own personal development.  And we each shared a bit about the significant transitions we’re in.

My friend and I each talked about the love and respect we have for what brought us to this place.  As I said, we’re each facing our own transitions personally and professionally.

Maybe you can relate.  You’ve been traveling down a path that seemed so right and so aligned and then some outside force came in and spotlighted the opportunity (or need) to take a different path.  You could be pretty happy on the path you’re on. You could, at the same time, be aching for more…. You could be longing or something bigger as somehow, your life seems just a little smaller than...

Do you ever have the feeling that you’re being watched?  It’s not a paranoid thing. It’s a reality. You really ARE being watched!

The odd thing about social media and selfie sticks and all the public attention that happens is that you might end up asking yourself, “Do I look okay?”  Instead, we all need to be asking ourselves, “Who is watching me today?”

For better or worse, you are a role model for others.  

Your family is watching how you show up and respond in certain situations.

Your team is watching how you show up and respond.

And since you’d like to be seen as someone who is present and (mostly) in control of themselves, you need to be worried less about what you look like and more about who you are being for the people around you.

You are seen and judged.

We all are.

The question really is in whether your authentic self is showing up consistently.  

I used to show up as “DR Pernell” with a capital...

How is it possible that some people get so lucky?  

I mean, really, how do some people seem to do what others can’t do?  

Recently, for example, I’ve been on stages in both Hollywood and in New York.  My first book, Choosing Your Power, is having a resurgence of interest, and a group of good people is coming together for my Stuck At The Top breakthrough retreat to be held in San Diego in April.  

Dang, all of that, and more?  I really AM pretty “lucky!”

In sports, how did Steph Curry or Jerry Rice get so talented?

Think back to your high school, think about that person who got those good grades and how she just made it look so easy.  

How did actors like Will Smith or Dwayne Johnson make it so big?

What do all of those examples have in common?  

Yeah, well, spectators will call it luck.  Do-ers know better.

Really, most people don’t see how much goes into the easy-looking outcome.

I began writing this week’s ...

We use the term “train wreck” to describe something that’s horrible, but we can’t seem to look away from.  In fact, we’re drawn to it and if someone – a fellow human – is described as a train wreck, it means that there’s a lot that has gone really wrong in their life (and you’re glad you’re not them, bless their heart).  

Have you ever called yourself or anyone else that?  

Ohhh myyyy gawwwdddd… what a train wreck!

Your friendly train wreck is a human who has lost his or her way.  I recently heard a more tempered version of that term: “lost in the sauce.”  

And here’s your happy truth for this week’s Wednesdays With Wayne – no one is 100% put together all the time.  Not you, not me, not Tony or Brendon or Gary, or Simon, or Oprah or your mom, or your dad.  

No one has it 100% together 100% of the time.

When you’re in that space of unmotivated and...

Besides being pretty darn good at getting people unstuck, I also focus on your transitions and help you build a stronger “next” for yourself.  So let’s explore that a bit.

You are in a transition of some sort right now, right?

Yes.

Right, so is the transition you’re in related to your career, relationships (intimate or social), finances, health, or spiritual connection?

To transition means to move across.

Being in transition is to move from your current state to a new state.  That new state demands a new way of thinking. Many people look at a transition with dread.  YOU, dear high-performing leader, get to look at your transition with hopeful anticipation.

There are two answers you’ll need to get through this transition with grace and aplomb:

1. What outcome do you really want?

Don’t blow this by discounting your desires.  What outcome do you really, truly want? What would be the ideal?  What would you...

Every so often, words of wisdom echo through my head.  Sometimes the words make me cringe and sometimes they seem to inspire.

What’s great is that the words that didn’t really land for me back then seem to be more meaningful now.  I’m reflecting on the words of my dissertation chair, when I was first working on my doctorate so many years ago.

Decades…

And I was struggling to get it done.

In this week’s Wednesdays With Wayne I’m giving you the secret that he shared with me.  It was so simple, but at the time it just made me mad.  

He said, The Only Way To Do It Is To Do It.

Well duh.  I mean really.  I didn’t think that was such sage guidance.  And yet, several decades later, I reflect on those words that haunt me and wonder at how they still echo.  
They’re here because there’s great truth in them.  

Think about the resolutions you almost kept over the years.  

You had wishes, but...

People who work with me are pretty high achievers.  They’ve got a lot of outward success that they can point to.  What’s funny (odd, not humorous) is that they’re still in the struggle.

Most people look at others who are successful and think that “they’ve made it.”  While those viewed as truly successful look at themselves and wonder how to get better.  

There are Two Sexy Secrets to be found in this week’s Wednesdays With Wayne.  (By the way, if this isn’t coming to your inbox yet, please click that link and look around.  You’ll see a box to plug in your email. Easy-peasy!)

THE Secrets:

1. Keep at it.  Think of any elite performer.  What makes that dude from Aquaman so attractive?  Okay, he was certainly blessed with certain attributes, but you know what?  He deliberately crafted the ones for display. His showing up that way isn’t an accident.
    
   When you keep at...