Today’s focus is on leadership, so no matter what you thought about the title of this week’s blog, “My Wife’s Driving,” today focuses back on YOU.

And first – a quick explanation. My wife likes to drive. She’s good at it. And, she likes to drive fast. She’s good at that too.

Sometimes she’ll yell at the drivers in front of her. She’s not some crazy person. She’s just, uhhhh, expressive! Really she doesn’t like it when cars choose the “fast” lane and then go the posted limit. She’ll scream out, “C’mon!!! The left lane is for crime!”

She knows they can’t hear her. She does it for herself.

I think that’s funny. She does too. And she still wants the cars to move out of “her” lane so that she can drive faster (and break the speed limit law, hence the fast lane being designated for “crime”). 

She’s...

The pressure for – and around – holiday gatherings is drawing in. Some people (you??) have very specific rules for how things “should” and “shouldn’t” be. 

We’ve just had an election (here in the U.S.) and the media – especially social media – is more full of “it” than usual.

So, how do you stay centered in the midst of the season of particularly strong opinions?

You DON’T say these three words – I’ll tell you in a moment.

These words are the top three from my Watchword List that I first published in Choosing Your Power, my first book from a decade ago. 

Eliminate these and you’ll be in a better place for communication and holding real engagement at work, at home, or in the world.

Here’s the short explanation about the words to eliminate:

        1) Why – This is a set up for blame. Just make your statement...

There’s a concept called “target focus.” It’s what happens when we notice something, anything. We’re drawn to it, even for a split second. That’s bad news for a race car driver who looks up at the wall. 

I’ve learned that to get out of a problem, you have to stop thinking about the problem and go bigger picture.

Now, there are a couple of steps to get to this bigger leap. First, a lesson from my trip to Jamaica a while back. I inquired about the “No Pro-blem” to every situation and was told, “You fix da ting, no pro-blem.” 

I get that – if you cut your finger, get a band aid. If you spilled something, clean it up.

That’s the first step because it is problem/fix focused. 

And, that’s not where your thinking should stop.

There’s a bike path on which bicyclists regularly become injured. It happens predictably. And it makes sense to move an ambulance or a...

We know the virtues of disconnecting from tech periodically. Our brains need the break. It’s great and we want others to understand how amazing we feel when we do that. I find it humorous how many people post about it, crowing about how great they feel about being disconnected. They come back to social media and want a prize for being “better-than” others who are still there.

We are lured into applauding and noting that we too should be, have done, or are scheduled to take a tech break. 

It’s not a competition, nor do you really need someone else’s adulation for taking care of yourself. You don’t get a parade for brushing and flossing, for meditating, or for eating right. Although, I’m certain there are communities of support out there for every person.

You’re here because you’re beyond that. It’s part of why you read the Wednesdays with Wayne. 

So what IS the paradox of connectedness...

I used to worry about being perfect, or at least good enough. 

I used to think that I wasn’t the smartest person in the room and that I’d be judged by people smarter than I was. 

NOW, I don’t worry about perfection, and I know I’m already “good enough.” Also, these days, I choose to put myself into rooms where I’m not the smartest. Holy cow! How would I ever learn anything if I didn’t give myself the challenge of listening to and learning from others??

All of that old “stuff” sure slowed me down, though.

And anytime I procrastinate on something, I look at what’s causing the resistance to just getting it done. 

Darn it, old “good enough” stories bubble through. I want to make sure it’s right.

You know what? Typos sneak through. My thoughts ramble on the page sometimes. I know what I meant to say and what comes through is some beautiful tangent.

The problem with problem-solving is that we tend to focus on the problem.

Well, how else would you solve a problem if not to focus on it? 

THIS is going to be really big for you in your business and in your personal life, so take some side notes on this one!

When we focus on the problem, we aren’t actually getting as close to a solution as we want. Think about a big problem you’re facing – better yet, think about a big desire you have. What’s something really big that you want? 

What are you telling yourself about why you don’t have that yet?

Here, THE PROBLEM is in the story you’re telling yourself and that story is based in lack: “I don’t have the money.” 

Or, “I don’t have the time.”

If you (or your child) were diagnosed with some horrible life-threatening disease, you’d likely find both the money and the time to make sure that the care needed was found....

Here’s something you might not know about me: I used to teach preschool. I love that age. Kids are learning their way in the world and are still so full of wonder. 

Somewhere along the way, authority figures (parents, clergy, teachers, other family) begin to impose rules that shut that wonder down. 

“Don’t be so nosy.”

“Stop asking so many questions.”
“Don’t be a pest.” 

And the wonder is stifled in trade for approval.

Almost every child learns this lesson – it’s a trade of behavioral compliance for the perceived reward of love. 

There are stories that are built around this. And life’s struggles come from those stories.

What if we kept wonder alive? One of my favorite things to tell people is, “Stay Curious.” 

When you live in curiosity, you cannot live in judgment.

“I wonder…” is so different from “That guy is...

There’s a saying that goes, “When one door closes, another one opens. But man! These hallways are a b**ch!”  Today, we’re going to explore those hallways. They’re where you stub your toe trying to find your way.

Finding your way is a BIG deal. There’s another saying that goes, “if you don’t know where you’re headed, any road will take you there.” That one is from Alice in Wonderland. 

Clarity about your intended outcome is like telling your GPS where you want to go. If you don’t have a destination, you’re just looking at a broad map. If you DO have a destination, a few things happen: 1) your current location is determined, 2) the “best” route is calculated, and 3) the destination is highlighted. 

You need to know your current situation/position.

From there, all things are possible. And when you are focused on moving towards an outcome, you make decisions based on...

Birthday Greetings!

That’s right. It’s my birthday. It seems to happen every year. So what the heck!!!

Every year on my birthday, I celebrate my personal New Year. What others do on January 1st, I do three months ahead of that. 

Whether you do this on your birthday, on New Year’s Day, next Tuesday, or with me today, you’ll be miles ahead if you join me in doing these few steps. They’re not complicated. They do require some (mental) effort.

Ready?

1. Get out a pen and a journal (you do have one, don’t you?) or a pad of paper
2. Write… write down your wishes – all of them, no matter how ridiculous. This is YOUR list. You don’t have to know how it’ll happen. Just write. Let it pour.
3. Close your journal.
4. Oh, there’s more? Open that thing up and write some more.
5. Now… rewrite everything as if it’s the end of the year. Name the date and write, “I’m so happy that I got to...

You’re busy, on the go, making things happen. We all are. And we take for granted that the people, pets, food, clothing, and everything else that surrounds us will be there later today or tomorrow. That’s called Object Constancy in the land of Perceptual Psychology. And yet, in an instant everything could change. 

It doesn’t mean that it will.

That just means that it could. 

Please don’t let your mind wander into a fear-space. My writing will never lead you there. It’s unproductive. This is simply food for thought: A few years back, I had surgery on my left wrist. The basic things in life like emptying the dishwasher became monumental tasks that I couldn’t complete without slowing down and gaining assistance from my other hand (or my wife).

Did I mope (actually grieve) the loss of function? Yes, yes I did. 

For as much as I write about the incredible trajectories that we each might have, I’m also human....